I'm an Expert.

You can trust me, I’m an expert

The expert stretched to say.

You can trust me, I know how to make

Your issues go away.

Through seven monthly payments

Of a hundred ninety one

Those problems that you thought you had?

We’ll kill ‘em all for fun.

Trust me, I’ve got the know-how

You’re my special mate.

Trust me, I’m the expert

A diploma in self hate.

For I’m not really an expert

Just a guy with a snazzy site.

I talk a lot on LinkedIn

Mostly corporate shite.

I wish it could be different

That I had a nice career.

A regular monthly pay cheque

And an outlook that was freer.

That’s gone, so I’m a Expert

In Excel and Google Play.

When all I want is to curl up

In a ball and glide away.

N-N-N-N Covid Nineteen.

Squid Games

Sid James

Face masks

Halloween.

Night clubs

Late Pubs

Covid

Vaccine.

Ryanair

Insan speir

Tubs on telly

Squeaky clean.

Wash your hands

Watch the bands

It’s like

Twenty nineteen.

“We’re almost back to normal”

Says everyone you meet.

Flying, watching, drinking

Isn’t it a treat?

Careful though

Not so fast

Maintain your healthy

Chores.

The men in suits

Who deal in truths

Will have you back 

Indoors.

No looking, talking, touching.

No kissing or breathing too.

No hands on someone’s shoulders

No humanity for you.

Unless they say it’s OK

In groups of three or under.

They’ll let you know the best day

For all to fall asunder.

“I’m vaxed” “I’m safe”

I can sit in the pub.

With my documents 

To prove it.

I’ve earned 

My new freedoms

Please Sir

Don’t remove it.