I'm an Expert.

You can trust me, I’m an expert

The expert stretched to say.

You can trust me, I know how to make

Your issues go away.

Through seven monthly payments

Of a hundred ninety one

Those problems that you thought you had?

We’ll kill ‘em all for fun.

Trust me, I’ve got the know-how

You’re my special mate.

Trust me, I’m the expert

A diploma in self hate.

For I’m not really an expert

Just a guy with a snazzy site.

I talk a lot on LinkedIn

Mostly corporate shite.

I wish it could be different

That I had a nice career.

A regular monthly pay cheque

And an outlook that was freer.

That’s gone, so I’m a Expert

In Excel and Google Play.

When all I want is to curl up

In a ball and glide away.