True To Form

If you had no way of holding back and could only release the ‘true you’ – what would it look like?

Would it be blue, green, red or orange?

Tall, short, wide or thin?

Heavy or light?

Quiet or loud?

Respectful or rude?

Patronising or understanding.

Critical or supportive?

What form would it take? Would you recognize it as part of you or would it look like someone else?

Philip had not expected these questions on the job application form.

Where?

What are you doing here? he said. You're supposed to be over there.
But I didn't like it over there. I tried it and it felt wrong, like a shirt that shrunk in the wash.
What's a shirt got to do with it? he said, not understanding. You need to go back there.
There was genuine fear in his voice. This is not your place.
Well at that point I didn't know what to do. I obviously wasn't wanted here but I didn't feel comfortable there.
So I closed my eyes.
Nowhere can be easier.

It's Conditional

The 'Human Condition' is what he called it.
With his old blue cap, over-used trousers and zip-up rain jacket.
Holding the limp coffee cup towards the windows of the cars stopped at the lights. Faces behind the glass diligently ignoring their human condition.
And his.
But he, noticing all. Especially his own.
The paper cup full of knowledge.
For which no one would pay a monetary price.
They couldn't.

Falling.

It was all falling.
Her worth, wealth, emotional availability, sense of self, relationships.
It was all falling.
Apart, asunder, to pieces.
It was all falling.
Friendships, hopes, wishes.
She wasn't falling.
For it.

Thierry's Hand.

The ball hit his hand. Or did his hand hit the ball?
It was difficult to tell at first.
Eight year old James, sitting on the couch watching the game with his dad, wasn't worried.
He knew whatever had just happened would be made all right. The grown ups would sort it out.
His dad's face told a different story.
He looked annoyed and upset. He seemed angry but quiet.
"What will they do dad. Will they send him off"?
They didn't.
That's when James first felt the world could be unfair.

On The Wall?

What are you supposed to do when the unnoticed becomes noticeable?
The absence of a mirror in the public toilets never occurred to James as an issue before.
Probably because every toilet he had ever frequented had at least one.
On a wall above the wash basins.
Standard procedure.
Wash your hands, check your hair and teeth, leave.
No mirror.
Carry on as if everything is normal. Didn't need to look anyway.
Right?

No Karma

"So, there's no such thing as Karma"?
That's right.
"Huh. Was there ever"?
Nope. Never existed.
"Shit".
Why?
"Well, that changes a lot of things".
Does it? Would you have done things differently?
"Well...I don't know".