To: All Staff.
It is without one ounce of regret that I need to inform you that John O’Dwyer is no longer employed by this company.
He was let go today because, in my view, he's a dickhead.
His work was shoddy at the best of times. His sense of humour offensive, imposing and totally inappropriate.
Plus the concept of soap, water and deodorant seemed completely alien to him.
This decision has been made by me and me alone because, to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t stand the thought of looking at his face one more day.
I’m sure he will land on his feet somewhere – assholes like that usually do. I don’t care.
On a separate note: please join me in welcoming Jane Taylor to the company.
Let’s hope she’s not a bitch.